aware.

2005-01-20T21:12:00.000+08:00

good lord,its been forever since i updated.
okay,so im at home.and im bored.
and i love courtney love.

2004-12-14T13:17:00.000+08:00

still using my dads laptop..my desktop refuses to be the slightest bit civil-so.hah,something really big was supposed to happen yesterday but i still have no idea what it was so if anyone has any idea msg me k?sorry if i missed something i obliged too..sigh.my memory's getting all fuzzy.well anyways, i was so bored trying to figure out what was supposed to happen yesterday that i went to cut my hair at this place called janzen.well,trim.it feels so much lighter but my mom is soo peeved with me cos she says that all my "long,flowing locks" are gone.i have to keep reminding her we dont live in the 18th century.well im happy i got it trimmed,i no longer have to bear the burden of mount everest on my poor head.okay,i think im just ranting so im gonna go-have a nice one y'all!

2004-12-10T22:46:00.000+08:00

BOO.
on msn after a long long time.my crappy desktop didnt allow it so im using daddys laptop.i know, NAUGHTY.i forgot how much i love talking to my friends online.well,offline too..but YEAH it so awesome cos it gives me something to do at home so i dont feel sooo lonely-hee.im a happy happy girl.

2004-12-06T22:15:00.000+08:00

im angry angry angry.yes,im a angry and sad girl.no one taught me how to live, they just pushed me out there and everytime i tried and everytime i cried, i was wrong.wrong, im all wrong.i should have been born stillborn.sighhh-

2004-12-06T22:01:00.000+08:00

omg..im so bored.and so depressed and just so friggin annoyed!!!!ughughugh.im just so damn sick of all the stupid stereotypes.just because i wear black alot doesnt make me a GOTH or a PUNK or whatever....damn, thats just fucking immature and shallow.i feel so controlled and i HATE IT.is there is one thing i cant stand, its suppression.i dont understand why i have to repress or my personality or even change it for that fucking matter when i havent done ANYTHING WRONG.oh boy oh boy, i wish i could just get the hell out of singapore and move away-i cant WAIT to be 18.and you know what,maybe its not just parents ..maybe i just goddamn sick of this place.its small and its boring and people need to lighten up!geez.GET ME OUT OF HERE.evidently, my prozac isnt working anymore.ive so had it-grrrrrr.

i just wanna live

2004-11-26T23:06:00.000+08:00

i will not cry. i will not cry.i will not let you hurt me, more than you already have-it cant possibly go on forever.

2004-11-07T19:07:00.000+08:00

to you...
im sorry.
but i dont need this right smack in the middle of my exams.
have a nice life.

2004-11-04T18:50:00.000+08:00

hooo.yes, i can finally breathe now.today was the hardest to get through.i had three papers-math paper one and literature paper one and two.i was scared,no-terrified for literature paper two because i hadnt studied for it at all.but,it didnt turn out to be that bad.i actually finished it-dances around.and math, oh god thank you thank you...i am quite confident i can pass it.i mean i really was afraid of not passing,not like the rest who are chasing after their al's.heh.

as of now,im 50% through..well,maybe a bit less but im glad.i really messed up social studies but thankfully english was okay.i tried to come up with an essay that was less macabre than the ones that i normally write.well,okay it was a little morbid but it brightened up towards the end.goooh,about 14 days left.then ill have an eight month holiday.my chin will probably drop to my knees,seeing how bored i will be.but even boredom has an appalingly charming appeal right now-anyways..

then in august,its off to UWC.hmm, i dont know what to expect but im just glad that i will be out of the local system which is so damn rigid,its a suprise we all dont walk around like cardboard boxes.well, at least ill be able to take drama.finally.

"everything's gonna be fine,fine,fine"

2004-10-31T17:03:00.000+08:00

if life is the game i have to beat, i say bring it.

2004-10-29T23:11:00.000+08:00

i want to go to bed but my hair is taking FOREVER to dry.ugh.my mom just wont let me cut it short:(

2004-10-29T10:56:00.000+08:00

im tired.
its been an exceptionally long and messy year and im exhausted.

can you hear it calling
can you feel it in your soul
can you trust this longing?
and take control

let's just friggin do this.

2004-10-26T23:38:00.000+08:00

on hiatus...!!

2004-10-24T14:40:00.000+08:00

so here i am, unhappy teenager wanting to get out, wanting to change everything...
a tad bit cliche, dont you think?

ah, this is bullshit.

2004-10-23T20:34:00.000+08:00

all i know is that now, more than anything, i hate you.you heartless bastard.

no,you suck.

2004-10-22T21:17:00.000+08:00

wow...was just reading some of the stuff i wrote during my most hellish moments of depression.and it even surprises me as to how far ive come ...im so much better.its almost amazing--i love my mom:)

anyways,here it goes-

they all seem to think they whatever is happening to me is something i can change, something that is in my hands..they fail to understand how craftily my mind is manipulating me and how the impermeable barrier between logic and illusionary dimensions has already been formed.what can i possibly do?time isnt something i can control.everything seems to work against what i wish for and people...people just dont get it.

i dont think you'll understand
cos no one understands

the little pieces have finally come together.i know what i have and i know what can rectify it.but any hopes of me getting better have diminished.

wrong, i was so wrong.things do change,stuff does get better---

i believe in miracles

2004-10-21T18:50:00.000+08:00

boo hoo:(

2004-10-21T18:44:00.000+08:00

yay!it was so fun talking to some of my friends in the conference room today...people i hadnt talked to for a loong loooong time...sam,michelle,hui qing,heon, charmaine goh,sarah y, steph tan and my partner in crime...wango!!!school still scares me, of course..but im going to miss you guys..!i suddenly feel a warped sense of loss...dont go:(

my dotties...my dotties...
dont leave....

2004-10-15T01:17:00.000+08:00

you know there are these times when i want to cry and when i need to cry but i just cant?
i need my emotions just the way a drug addict needs his coke , despit e knowing how bad it is for him.

2004-10-15T01:12:00.000+08:00

did i mention how much i hate in-betweens?when youre not happy and youre not sad but youre just sort of empty?
confused?

maybe i just think too much.

2004-10-12T14:49:00.000+08:00

i DONT care what you think, okay?i dont.

2004-10-12T14:43:00.000+08:00

fine-fine.fine.fine.
all of you can take it.
i cant.
bravo.bravo.bravo.
im going to the pyschaitrist's office now.
and she will give me pills.
happy pills.
pills that will stop my brain from fucking HURTING.

fuck the world.fuck you.

2004-10-08T21:46:00.000+08:00

why's my world turning upside down?
why,why now?

they actually wanted me to go to the emergency room.am i really that far gone?
oh god, please have mercy.please have mercy.
i really, really need this.

they say prayer heals.i guess ill find out.

2004-10-04T21:31:00.000+08:00

I AM GOING TO GET INTO ACJC
I AM GOING TO GET INTO ACJC.
mwwwwahahahahahahahhahah

and i dont give shit about what you think.

2004-10-03T20:53:00.000+08:00

IM GONNA KICK ASS
IM GONNA KICK ASS

i want that mark, BAD.

2004-10-02T11:58:00.000+08:00

wow,my past entries have been rather ummm loud?yea well, need some place to vent it all...so everythings going fine..im stll really really determined to get into ACJC so m doing everthing i possibly can right now to get that mark for the O's.hindi o's are on monday so that leaves me with today and sunday.well, actually, ive beenstudying for the hindi o's since the beggining of sec 4 so its not the content im worried about..its just that my spelling is absolutely atrocious.sigh...but yea, will try my best.so emm,be good!!:)

2004-10-01T18:27:00.000+08:00

i wish everone would just SHUT UP ABOUT THE DAMN PRELIMS.i dont care if you got 6 points or 60, fact of the matter is that its OVER.so can we just move along and concentrate on the O'S.thats what we are here for anyway.yeah, okay things happen, accept them.and honestly, three months of your life isnt a big D....AT ALL.sheesh.

2004-09-29T23:00:00.000+08:00

god, how i loath obnoxious people.seriously, they possess some absurd quality that makes them think theyre fucking better than anyone else on the whole planet.geez.you have all the a's but youre nothing till you learn how to be humble.i have absolutely no respect for you---my mom once told me that she would rather be a below average student with some morality than some stuck up snob.and yeah, i agree with her.i mean okay, you got your as.well done.but then what?you keep getting your a's, your ego keeps inflating till one day its like an oversized snowball.and then what??it seems strange that the concept of then what never solidifies in front of some people.well, maybe its just the stupid system.blind, blind,blind.i feel like smacking those idiots and shaking all the oblivion out of their thick skulls.yes, im hateful.numbers cannot possibly tell you who or what you are.why dont they see that??

i cannot even remember the last time i had such a seething fit.

2004-09-29T20:00:00.000+08:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
im so mad.
ahhhhhhh.im so freaking angry.ugh.ugh.ugh.

2004-09-28T16:48:00.000+08:00

you know what.ive got two options.i can either cry and scream and brood over it and give up.or i can work, work as hard as it takes to get there.just magnify my existence till the only point of concern is my work.and if you think im going to choose the first option, than you just DONT KNOW ME AT ALL.hear?

2004-09-28T16:27:00.000+08:00

so thats it,i mean i was expecting it but i suppose its only natural to feel numb.after everything,and i have no idea why he is doing this to me.i probably have the worst LIR5 in my class,or maybe even the whole level.no.i DONT WANT your goddamn sympathy.ah,fuck it.

2004-09-27T15:03:00.000+08:00

and hey athena,i really appreciate what you did for me today....
everything.running me through the emath sums, your sincerity in wanting to come over...
thanks.im glad ive found a true friend.i love you!!as a friend of course....:)
and hell yea, i believe i can do it.
you can do it.

2004-09-27T14:50:00.000+08:00

Wake up kids

We've got the dreamers disease

Age fourteen

They got you down on your knees

So polite

You're busy still saying please

Frienemies

Who when you're down ain't your friend

Every night

We smash their mercedes-benz

First we run

And then we laugh till we cry

But when the night is falling

you cannot find the light (light)

If you feel your dreams are dying

Hold tight...



You've got the music in you

Don't let go

You've got the music in you

One dance left

This world is gonna pull through

Don't give up

You've got a reason to live

Can't forget

We only get what we give



Im coming home baby

Your the tops

Give it to me now!



Four a.m. we ran a miracle mile

We're flat broke but hey we do it in style

The bad rich

God's flying in for your trial

But when the night is falling

You cannot find a friend (friend)

You feel your dream is breaking

Just bend...



You've got the music in you

Don't let go

You've got the music in you

One dance left

This world is gonna pull through

Don't give up

You've got a reason to live

Can't forget

We only get what we give



This whole damn world can fall apart

You'll be ok

Follow your heart

You're in harms way

I'm right behind

Now say you're mine...



You've got the music in you

Don't let go

You've got the music in you

One dance left

This world is gonna pull through

Don't give up

You've got a reason to live

Can't forget we only get what we give

Don't let go

I feel the music in you



Fly high

What's real can't die

You only get what you give

You're gonna get what you give

dont give up

Just dont be afraid to live :)



Health insurance rip off lying

F.D.A. big bankers buying

Fake computer crashes dining

Cloning while they're multiplying

Fashion shoots with beck and hanson

Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson

You're all fakes

Run to your mansions

Come around

We'll kick your ass in!!



Don't let go

One dance left

Don't give up

Can't forget



i WILL do WELL for my o levels.

ive got the music in me.

2004-09-25T10:24:00.000+08:00

i guess it's just all the little things that add up and make you feel so exuberantly happy and complete.it has taken me awhile to actually come to understand and appreciate the simple pleasures in life.feeling the wind, maybe taking a stroll with someone you cherish or just simply talking, and being honest about how you feel.ive come to accept myself and now, it really doesnt matter as to what anybody thinks.ive tried too hard to please and its just not worth it.my health's more important.i will continue to try , but only for myself and what i think i would like to do with my life.it's not all about career, i mean you can have a P.h.d and still be miserable. we outgrow things and any sense of accomplishment that we may come across is never permanent. so i think its really important to just find yourself and learn to be happy no matter what the situation,knowing that you can and will handle it.knowing that u will get through it,even if its just shit you have to clean up.the prelims,everyone has been talking about it, umm..i wasnt really well when i took them and was still under heavy medication so i mean, im just happy that i went through it.it was a good experience and it wouldnt have happened if not for the encouragement of my mom and athena.athena,if you're reading,thanks:)dont worry too much kay,ull be fine.we'll be fine!!

and for the first time...im aware of your presence.i mean, i always you knew that you were there..but,its different now...i believe.

2004-09-25T10:19:00.000+08:00

Eve 6-Here's to the night

So denied so I lied are you the now or never kind
In a day and a day love I'm gonna be gone for good again
Are you willing to be had are you cool with just tonight
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

Put your name on the line along with place and time
Wanna stay not to go I wanna ditch the logical
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

All my time is froze in motion
Can't I stay an hour or two or more
Don't let me let you go
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

i just heard this song this morning...and instantly fell in love with it.thought id share it:)

2004-09-24T23:05:00.000+08:00

i am kind of getting used to this whole sleep cycle thing so im really quite tired..dont know why im bothering with an entry..anyways, i really really need to get my hands on 'who moved my cheese?'been wanting to read it for a long time...my brother said its all about adapting to situations and all that blah blah and normally i wont listen to him but many others have recommended it...okay, i really am tired so im going to end it right here..sleep well kids.

2004-09-24T18:43:00.000+08:00

umm...was trying out this new template thing..and in the process managed to screw up everything else...so now my tagboard and my links are gone:(help, anyone?

2004-09-12T10:33:00.000+08:00

GUESS WHOS SWEET SIXTEEN IS HERE...MO HO MO HO...GUESSS WHO'S GETTING OLD AND WRINKLY..MO HO MO HO..A-T-H-E-N-a SHOW SOME ASS!!!ITS LEGAL NOW!!MO HO MO HO.they came........................................they came.....................................................

2004-08-31T19:42:00.000+08:00

"In this context, 'exploring a broader sense of self' means consciously deciding that it's worth it to trust more in life. To be less governed by our fears and defensiveness. To be more willing to go with the flow instead of automatically resisting."

2004-08-29T21:19:00.000+08:00

We don't have to know the road before we travel it.

2004-08-25T11:48:00.000+08:00

going through muscle/relaxation therapy now..my shrink hopes it will help to relieve the headaches..i really hope it does!!plus she doubled my doze of prozac on alternate days..begone!begone!

2004-08-20T11:00:00.000+08:00

nawhhh...dont think i have time to set up a new blog, plus a new tag board plus a million other things so i think ill just change the layout as and when i can.

emm really think i should be getting to bed earlier at nights...130 is too late for me to handle as even getting out of bed the next day seems to be a monumental accomplishment.have to stick by the rules wild thangs..hard to believe, but some times those nosy mothers of ours actually make some sense...sooo.yea, why am i rambling on and on about my bedtime.good lord, have i descended to such a state of deplorability?

ahhh im exhausted.another 6 hours and 11 minutes till heaven decides to make a guest appearance--school ends at 4.

she gave it to me and thats when i began to realise how clever the entire situation was..he had planned it for me.for me to comprehend how that was her 'twitch'.it felt warm to the touch and i was completely overwhelmed.orange.virbrant and yet strangely mystical....

2004-08-19T23:47:00.000+08:00

Im tired of this blog.Some of the entries recorded here just really, dont speak the truth. So im dumping it to one side and will let you guys know when my new one is up.And oh yea,ive given up all hopes on MSN so if anyone wants to buzz me, just send me some email.You know you want too...ayte, supposed to be in bed by 11.Hehe, look who's being naughty.Sweet dreams.

The little girl at the window had not lost her soul , as she had so vehemently believed."My angel come,mother..look!He came..", and she sighed dreamily as she watched her fortress of solitude dissociate and as the stars alligned to present her with what actually mattered--the truth.Her story.

I thank God for you every day.

2004-08-13T19:56:00.000+08:00

i dont know what ive become to you.when i fell ill, i didntt think you trusted me.but i was just paranoid.its just that i dont want those three years to be lost.youre a good friend, a fun person to be with and im sorry i distanced myself from you.i was taken by the shadows and in the darkness i couldnt hear.i wish things could go just back to normal .im sorry.you tried and i didnt respond.

2004-08-13T19:39:00.000+08:00

the soft humm of the trees
they sang me a song

first of all, i just want to congratulate everyone who did so well in their chinese o's.the ree applauds you.and seriously, thats a big deal.well i was down on my lazy fat ass you guys really worked it and emm soon it will be my turn.october.ill pause for you to laugh.

speaking of which ive got a hindi exam tommorow.but whatever.im so sick of hindi.way too many tutions with my pyschopathic teacher.no wait, i love hindi!i do.

i do i do i do.hahaha.back off, im fifteen.kids!its a friday.i love fridays.friday the thirteenth.
anyways, im happier now.i am.no more silly breakdowns and plus the headaches dont even occur that frequently anymore.yay me!8 months of prozac more to go.two months till o's. one month till prelims.

the concept of time.intriguing but unnecessary.it wasnt a dream.no,im convinced it wasnt.i saw my star. my shining star.she told me ill be just fine.

2004-08-04T18:29:00.000+08:00

Only Hope

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now you're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

I give You my destiny
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

2004-08-03T22:02:00.000+08:00

ahhhhh...i caught this horrible viral flu thing from my stupid fat cousin and the only good part of it is that i managed to spread it to my awful brother...mwahahahah...and my mom...hehhehehe.so im on MC tml...yea i know i know...you must be thinking...REETIKA...AGAIN!!!sorry kids..ull just have to miss me now....may peanut butter be with u ...RIP.

and i was actually looking forward to the quote battle thing.sorry yun, if ure reading{dont tell me bout the unseen test, going to try taking it on thurs:)}yuck, smiley faces are gay..i suppose that is the point, is it not??

ummmm

2004-08-01T12:41:00.000+08:00

hollerr...how are my kids doing??not too good down here...lost my moms phone last nyte...not even two months after losing my own..there's a 600 dollar fine on both..so emmm..hopefully ill see you guys on monday.thats tommorow kids...go do your homework.

2004-07-21T20:20:00.000+08:00

procrastination is PIMP.
remember that kids.
and oh yes,smoking kills and it makes you look weird.
even weirder than you already looked.
so
dont smoke.

2004-07-13T21:29:00.000+08:00

so this is what rock bottom feels like.i go any lower and ill have to kill myself.

2004-07-11T13:34:00.000+08:00

ayte...bro's back.lifetime supply of gum.holy shit.lay of the drugs kids.this means you.

2004-07-06T11:30:00.000+08:00

heyyyyysss...hows it goin??eh, i really have nothin much to say(wHAAAAA???)but yes, eVERYONE, GO CHECK OUT "how come" by D12.I LOVE THEM.I LOVE THEM.I LOVE THEM.oh i want D12 world soooooooo badly.siggggh.

oh ummm

KISS ASS
1)ASHTON KUTCHER
2)eminem, along with the
rest of D12
3)JPL(can u believe i still
like him...just cant get over
his "little less conversation"
dance)
4)Johnny Depp(hohohohoho)
5)Jim Carrey(sp?)
6)PINK

KICK ASS
1)BRAD PITT(EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW)
2)BRAD PITT(i heard it hurts more the second time)
3)Paris Hilton(yuck..someone pls tell her that barbies only look
halfway decent when they're NOT REAL)
4)the olsen twins

since i am such a loving person..i suppose it is only natural that my "kiss ass" list outweighs my "kick ass" list...no??ah, im tired...u wanna help me think of more...??oh right...im the only bored one here..ah FINE.be busy without me.take ur chinese O's without me.mean girls.

stoner-bashing time??

i think im gonna go.

2004-07-03T20:30:00.000+08:00

over this past few weeks, there have been times which were just so completely horrible and which just left me feeling so wrenched from the inside--and i had to realise that i could get better if i really wanted too.so i forced myself to think of happy things, of things which made me happy and i turned to my childhood for those answers.

i remembered being given my first book, by enid blyton.
i remembered this time after school in primary 3, when i did this crazy dance cos it just felt so good to be back home and to be done with that horrid math lesson.
i remembered failing math and not caring.
i remembered my mom and brother carrying me so i could take this lone pic of myself in front of the neoprint machine.my brother of course, collapsed under my weight.(yea,the pic come out a little runny)
i remembered waking up at 5 on april fools day so i could set up booby traps, thereby harming everyone physically and scoring ten points more on the sadistic chart.(but,hey who's counting)

all this never made me feel any better.but i realised that something was there.
i had a happy childhood.

and yea i just really want to thank everyone who has been so nice to me.
thanks to ms noraini n mrs khoo for talking to me.
thanks again to ms noraini for calling me.
thanks to leong parn and athena for calling me.
thanks to athena many times over, for calling me.
thanks to jeanette for calling me.
thanks to sarah yan for calling me.
thanks to alicia and debbie fang for tagging me .and again to alicia for promising to kill me when i return to school.
thanks to athena again and again for coming over and watching dude, where's my car with me and for proposing to me(im considering it,but it looks like a yes).and for sun bathing with me.
thanks to athena(im getting tongue tied), and jameela and priya for giving me that sweet little card.(my ass feels extra special)
and of course, thanks to the pyschaitrist for giving me prozac.which i hate.

hooo.THANNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKK YYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUU.
i love you gays.
taht didnt turn out right.
dammit.
*guys*that

2004-06-30T11:50:00.000+08:00

hi everyone!!how is everything??ummm yea im not coming to school till the exams are over for some reasons..take it ez kay..best of luck for the exams and thanks to leong parn, debbie, pet n yun for leaving me posts..ill reply them soon as i can..and athena,look out!the residue of my bird shit is still on u(luv ya!!) !!hahahhaha..im missing all of u guys...so ill see u when i see ya kay...ciao!!

oh yea, how was london leong parn darling??

2004-06-13T13:17:00.000+08:00

ah yes, im back im back.mid life crisis(crisises?crisisees?DAMMIT)can be very tiring--but what can u do, what can u do my chickens?my dad's telling me he loses a 100grams everyday and my mom just wobbled thru the door with another 22 air tight containers.the crazed state of my family is very upsetting.ah, but what can u do ?what can u do?what a pity my chickens.whatapity,no?

2004-06-08T16:13:00.000+08:00

im waiting for that part of my brain to start functioning so that i can study.maybe it will respond now.no?okay, now?maybe not.so how has the week been progressing everybody?any horror stories to share?i have plenty.now?

maybe i should go do yoga with my mom.okay, NOW??

OH.CMON.

mmmm yea, now.

2004-06-07T19:25:00.000+08:00

hey guys, gimme the lowdown-do menstrual cycles make you extremely hungry or somethin?i mean i always had a voracious appetite thereby explaining the monumental belly,but this is just ridiculous.

hohoho.

2004-06-07T15:11:00.000+08:00

whoa...oral wasnt too good.lol, reetika screws up again!for the conversation bit..i was telling her about this harmonium thingy i used to play...and my mom the sitar-player...so i was trying to tell her how the harmonium is really quite similar to the piano except the notes are different..and so i told her its not like "do re mi fa so"..its like "sa re gam ma pa"...and she laughed at me.dammnit.noraini.well well, what can you do ?ahh my chickens, its a monday.thats very bad.

ding dong.
the witch is gone.
the witch is gone.

2004-06-06T15:29:00.000+08:00

ughh.execretion.forgive me for not leaping for joy.

hey debbie--yes, fang.lol..i tried tagging you but ur tagboard is in screws!do somethin abt it my child!hardy har har:)

2004-06-05T01:39:00.000+08:00

move bitch get outta the way

hahahhaah...how u guys dooooooooiinnn!!for all those who havent seen shrek 2 yet..get of that lazy fat ass of yours(or skinny in alicia's case...hehheheh) and go catch it!its real funny...yea well its gettin late...so im gonna go catch up on some zzzzz's...layter!have a great weekend y'all!:)

2004-06-04T19:24:00.000+08:00

whatever.ull never stop being an arrogant,stuck-up bitch will you??i hope i live to see you burn in the worst recesses of hell.

2004-06-01T22:02:00.000+08:00

ahhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i feel dead.i am dead.shake me shake me shake me.why did those two idiots leave me here all alone?couldnt they have gone last year?now they're out having fun and im just
rotting.rotting.rotting.rotting.so much to do.no will to do it.no will to type.tommorow's a holiday.oh god.there's school on thursday..life's just a whole lot of smelly shit right now.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

you keep humming to my beat,talking like you're keats.and then youre not even there.

2004-05-30T19:32:00.000+08:00

heyhey!well i juss wanna wish alllllllllllllll smss gals taking their o's this monday(tml..yes thats right for all u zonkies who forgot..hehe),not good but fantabulous luckk!!go knock 'em dead..!well take it EZ y'all..get me those A1'S...LAY-TER!!

2004-05-27T17:14:00.000+08:00

wow...noraini was quite pissed with me n stephanie today.dont think we will be sitting next to each other next term.sigh.im gonna miss her sadism and dark sense of humour.ah wells..looks like those socks of mine just have to go higher.performing way below standard here...but im not gonna get beaten up about it cos i honestly didnt try my best this term, or this semester for that matter.lots of things happening ya know.like in my head.and i actually feel as though i am those few steps closer to what im looking for.athena told me that in order to be "free" u have to be totally comfortable with yourself and who you are.i do not necessarily agree because i believe there is always that room for improvement and change.but yea, a large part of what she said did make sense.i just know there's something more.alot more.and im gonna keep on searching for it but no longer at the expense of my studies.ive learnt so much over these past few weeks and dont get me wrong..im not being all spiritual here and im not gonna shave my head(tho that will probably be a relief)but yea...questions have been answered.and now its time for me to move.and i mean that literally cos the books are waiting.well, take it EZ y'all!dont stress out ks=)

there's something uniquely different about the wind.it no longer pushes me away.instead, it takes my hand and plods me along.what i couldnt find in people, i found in your inexorable power.what i couldnt feel, is now what i can touch.am i the only one who's smiling?probably.

2004-05-26T14:36:00.000+08:00

oh yea i think i forgot to mention the fact that eminem totally rocks.

2004-05-26T14:23:00.000+08:00

i'mma try to control myself and not yell.
excuse me while i think of something nice to say.

ummm...my socks dont smell?

oh and btw, good luck to all the peeps taking their o's this monday.hang in there kays??keep ooon trying and ull be great.sooo...chill!and if u like need to talk and stuff..wellll you know where to find me.or maybe not.damn.hahahhahaaha.layter!

2004-05-20T17:49:00.000+08:00

what is it about me that people tend to take for granted?"oh its just reetika, she'll laugh it off."i may laugh it off because i dont want to hurt you or maybe because im afraid.but you're already a very different person to me.

i realised i would never stop running.i cannot deal with anybody anymore.and i always thought there was you.but just like everything else, i was wrong.

hahahha.im laughing now.what does this mean to you?

2004-05-19T19:17:00.000+08:00

heyy guys...look at the tagboard for the replies to all the tags.hmmm, watched TROY today..wasnt too bad i must admit...but the first part was a little too draggy for the good ol' cowgirl in me.hahha...lol.its absurdly hot these days, and im on fire..!heheh.
and oh the fast thing, I DID IT!i went for 24 HOURS WITHOUT FOOD!how cool is that huh??yea well..it wasnt for weight loss or anything silly like that..just wanted to prove some stuff to myself and i did.yeehaw.tho partly, it was also cos i was bored and shit.hahah.

i dying in my own head.the strings are too taut and its getting awfully hard to see things the way other people do.i was dying in the bus and now im dying in this room.i keep falling down and the sky never seems to meet me as i wish it would.all the colours are vanishing and im stuck in this circle which refuses to eliminate that line between good and evil.my parents wont let me leave after my o's.stupefaction will soon be replaced by retardation and i want out of this damn country now.i literally cannot breathe.

2004-05-13T00:11:00.000+08:00

and so..the fast has begun!!heheh..its 11 minutes past 12...just about 23 hrs and 49 mins to go.oops...48 mins minutes now.not too long huh??

i determine to seek you out..you showed me how it felt to walk.i now feel the wind.and i wait for the rain.

2004-05-12T18:19:00.000+08:00

i feel like fasting tml.not for religious reasons or anything...just for fun,for the heck of it.i wonder if i have it in me...abstaining from food for 24 hours...hmm.well, wish me luck y'all!!

2004-05-12T18:18:00.000+08:00

watching the slideshow was quite painful today.for everybody.

2004-05-11T17:03:00.000+08:00

ugh.why cant they just play my damned song!!!stupid veron a.MY BAND!!NOOWWWWWWWW!

2004-05-11T16:54:00.000+08:00

school was weird without you today...i wonder where you are right now.where you standing there, when mrs khoo stood back?where you still glaring at our socks, were you still praying with us?where were you?i think i felt you there.im not sure.the pain is starting to fade a little...in school i think.maybe we're just pretending we dont feel it..everybody pretends anyway.everyone wears their own mask.but ure clean now.ure really close to us i think.

2004-05-10T21:47:00.000+08:00

im sorry guys, im not going to put the movement thing on my blog...it makes me feel really sad because it keeps on reminding me of the fact that she's gone...and i want to rmbr the times when she was still there and not the time after.im sorry.i cant.

2004-05-08T13:05:00.000+08:00

mrs lee, i cant imagine assembling in the parade ground and not seeing your face.i cant imagine not cringing in terror every time you inspect our classes.i cant imagine you not being there to tell us to pull up or socks or telling us that everyday is a new day and we should put the past behind us.i cant imagine going for the petathon without you, i cant imagine going for prom.i hope your happy and satisfied, wherever you may be.i know you're looking down at us and smiling right now.

we'll miss you bulldog.
god bless.

2004-05-05T14:23:00.000+08:00

i realised that i am completely alone.i want out now.

in a matter of months,things can be different.im going to hang on to that.

2004-05-04T21:12:00.000+08:00

i know you didnt ask but no, everything is not fine.

2004-05-04T10:30:00.000+08:00

"she introduced me to world where the colours fused to form the raw emotion of love and where men where not seen as enemies but as shining stars delivered to the universe."

what the shit did i write that for??damn.noraini's gonna be all over my ass.

2004-04-29T15:22:00.000+08:00

i wish i could
-study art history
- " ancient world history
-be some place else.
-get a chance to look at hamlet.
-have time to finish "Blue Candle".

eminem's d-12 is perfect.

2004-04-27T17:11:00.000+08:00

mr lee didnt look at our first draft and expects a second draft to be done.ms noraini didnt mark our comprehension but somehow expects us to know where we have gone wrong and get our corrections done.a new policy has emerged.from now on she will only mark 10 scripts.however,no assignments or homework, on our part can be handed in a day late.ms siti used to refer to a girl as "269".it was her aggregate score.she had to sit on the floor.apparently,she thinks that many of the girls in 4/3 and 4/1 are "horrible".the sole purpose of her occupation is to teach the "wonderful" girls.do i really have to connect the dots?

whats happening??

2004-04-27T16:54:00.000+08:00

normalcy has somewhat become endangered.in your case, its probably as foreign as the chamba.god bless.

2004-04-24T22:36:00.000+08:00

5 things i hate right now
1)singapore
2)the education system, which then again is part of singapore
3)the upcoming exams
4)my hair and the way its in my face right now.ROAR.
5)simple plan.they're so annoying.

5 things i love right now
1)the smell of rain and everything fresh
2)the fact that in 3 yrs i probably wont be in sg.
3)the fact that in less than a yr i wont have to take math or science.whee!
4)silky, my dog.
5)nelly furtado's '"try".
6)oh wait!the oc!
7)this should be up first...contemporary literature!
i guess i cant count huh....hehe.

there are these things in my head which sometimes make me believe im not even real.

2004-04-24T22:33:00.000+08:00

i hate singapore.i hate singapore.i hate singapore.i hate singapore.i hate singapore.i hate singapore.i hate singapore.i hate singapore.i hate singapore.i hate it.i hate it.I HATE IT.AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

anywhere but here.

2004-04-21T17:40:00.000+08:00

the gods have finally shed some tears for us.rain!rain!yaaay.
had a horrible experience in school yesterday.poor leong parn had to practically drag me to my mom's car.i must have looked like an absolute freak.haha!so now in addition to my hair loss medication, i have to take some vitamin C tablets and some other ridiculous pills.my body is such a freaking screw up.heheh.i hope i
make it out of sec four alive.

the rain stopped.sigh.

2004-04-18T11:58:00.000+08:00

sometimes it seems as though we are all floating on a red sea of our own.and the concentration of salt present in it is really the largeness of the many complexities we are forced to face from day to day.

someone part my red sea.

2004-04-14T12:28:00.000+08:00

i feel that somehow school keeps me in context.i dont feel so lost with it.i love the time after school.when i know exactly what i am supposed to do, and when to do it.its weird.but somehow,i dont like holidays anymore.they are too lonley, too boring, too overated.

am i making any sense here??

2004-04-10T20:14:00.000+08:00

i think ive seen how hard it is to live in a hostile world.
but perhaps what im missing on, is that ,that world actually refers to the one that i created for myself. in myself.

has it ever been so dark, that you somehow start to like it?

2004-04-10T19:58:00.000+08:00

i think its april the 10th.im not sure.time isnt really mine anymore.i know what i want.ive dreamed of it.hell,ive even salivated over it.then how is it, how is it, that i cant quite nail it.

why am i so lazy??im 15.i dont want to be so tired, so fast.

if you could just pick me up and place me in your palm.
perhaps then i would see how i was destined to live in this world after all.
its too hard now.too hard already.
i cant go back to the time of undoing.

haha.so its time again.

2004-04-08T21:10:00.000+08:00

maybe i should just quit blogging.i mean what so interesting about my life anyway??i somehow feel as though im being selfish, ranting on and on about stuff.i mean, yeah there are people with greater problems...people who achieve more....how am i in any way , by blogging, contributing to anything?it seems really meaningless.besides, i guess im not really the kind to
talk about my problems.i prefer to keep it all inside, and just sort it out in my own head.stuff that i tell people is usually just a caricature of the real thing.i guess, humour has always helped me to get by.there i go, ranting on and on again.

i have to find something more interesting to write about.i mean, if for some weird reason, you want to know more about my "fascinating" existance---well, then im actually quite friendly:)

2004-04-07T19:43:00.000+08:00

for some absurd reason, unknown to myself and my mom, i seem to be sleeping alot lately...i come home and i zonk out for four to five hours straight.then i get up, watch abit of tv, eat an apple, god knows why ALWAYS an apple and then i sleep again at around 1.i guess the human body works in mysterious ways, eh?well, yeah, especially mine.

suddenly, i dont want to graduate so fast.suddenly, all that humphabumfa about having to taking science and math has vanished.i dont really mind it anymore.and somehow,i dont even feel stressed .we'll see.

2004-04-05T17:18:00.000+08:00

im soo bored.dont feel like studying anymore.i miss school.thanks guys for just being--i really hate being alone.

2004-04-05T11:34:00.000+08:00

wheeee...didnt go to school today...not that im happy about it.actually, im quite sad about it.hehe, guess i got carried away with chem tys yesterday...i was getting ready to sleep...u know what with all the duckie pj's on...and i was like...what the hell , i havent done anything productive the entire weekend!so i started tearing the tys apart...intended to stop at one.well, fate took a different turn...and i freaked when i realised out it was four thirty.set my alarm for seven...dived into bed...quivered in my duckie pj's...finally dozed off at about 510...hehe..well,u guys can figure it out from there...hehe, well, yeah i overslept!so shoot moi!(though, do realise that by doing so..u are putting the future of all civilisations at stake..im warning you...dont do it!)*grins*well, at least i was productive:)

2004-04-03T19:25:00.000+08:00

okay, im going crazy.no, im not.wwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeee haaaaaahahahhahahahahhahahahah.sorry.HAHAHHAHAHAS.my foot!

even my damn foot looks funny.HEEEEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHE.
hohohohehhe.

2004-04-01T13:56:00.000+08:00

enough.ive had it.

2004-03-31T12:15:00.000+08:00

sat for a bio test a few hours ago.needless for me to say, it was horrendous.rotten.grostesque.im spent.later guys//haw haw haw.

2004-03-28T21:58:00.000+08:00

you challenged me.now there is no force in this world or the next that will hinder me from getting what i want.

2004-03-28T14:31:00.000+08:00

i look in to this girls eyes and im awed.wow.how little she knows of war, how little she knows of blood, pain, racism, starvation, war and fury.but then im reminded.reminded that one day she will know.one day she will grow to learn all about the "big bad world" and its hypocrisy.maybe that day is today.

2004-03-28T14:22:00.000+08:00

why is the world so completely wrong?Three quarters of civilisation trys either to articulate the truth in the darkness or simply embraces it.and the rest?the rest sing songs and rejoice in the light.why is there such distinction in reality?

i cannot help feeling that the human species is perhaps the most deformed of all.

and that humming in my ears is getting louder.it's not my pain,its theirs.

2004-03-24T11:42:00.000+08:00

in school right now..hmmm..bio was excruciatingly boring today...was trying hard to kepp awake!sigh...this inheritance topic is really montonous and boring!i mean, i just dont understand why everything has to be questioned?or perfect?we humans are so obsessed with perfection, that we tend to forget the more important things...and they began cloning in south korea...i give up!

science and math are two really useless subjects which i will perhaps never comprehend.

2004-03-22T19:27:00.000+08:00

ooo...im not exactly a kid-person but this girl is sooo cute..!she reminds of my childhood days when everything used to be so easy...i guess the days of warmth, sunshine and lemonade are over huh///:(